The Promises I Kept
by greenandred124
Summary: "They say that if you love something, you should let it go with the hope of it coming back to you and being yours forever. However, there are times when that thing you love just never returns." ELAVAN multi-chap. One-sided for now.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hey everyone! This idea came to me, and I've been meaning to publish an Elavan multi-chap because Liz and Avan are just so dang cute! Here's the prologue. I'd appreciate reviews letting me know if I should continue or not. :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

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><p>Pain.<p>

It's the feeling you get when you know some things in life will just never be perfect. What you expect them to be. It's an uncontrollable longing, desire. That love and lust that you have for that one person…who you know will never again be yours.

What gives this simple four letter word its complex meaning is the actions that cause it. Watching someone else make the one you love happy is purely lethal to you. You feel a deeper sense of torment and anguish with the more open they are in their newfound relationship. It eats away at your every being. And there's nothing you can do about it.

They say that if you love something, you should let it go with the hope of it coming back to you and being yours forever. However, there are times when that thing you love just never returns. You're supposed to be able to let it go…but you can't.

Hopelessness takes over your thoughts. You feel constricted, as if shackles are bound to your arms and legs, holding you to your deep sorrow and grief that you cannot escape. And it's not self-pity, as some may say. Those who would classify it as such are truly heartless. They don't understand your inner discomfort. But there's the key word. _Inner_.

Nobody understands what has you conflicted on the inside. Besides maybe the one friend you have put your complete trust into. Of course, initially you expressed your agony publicly, but it's far too late to continue to dwell on what is ailing you. You really want to give up, but you can't, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you are over them.

You put on a smile and try to shrug it off. Pretend that you are happy for them. But you can't shake that caustic desire for them. You're too lost in love to turn back to feeling nothing.

You thought you would have them forever. You were a match made in heaven. They promised…

But promises are broken. And that promise…it hurts you every time you think about it. It drives you even further to forget and move on, but there go the shackles, once again restricting your every movement.

They're irresistible. The way they used to flirt with you would make you giddy. And when you find yourself reflecting openly, you begin to become wistful, slipping into a pitifully foolish nostalgia, which makes you seem ridiculous to others around you.

You went from lovers to…practically nothing. Well, in your eyes at least. You avoid them at all possible costs. Once inseparable, it now feels wrong. But you can only do so much to distance yourself. Seeing them is inevitable. You interact with them all the time, without having a choice. They talk to you like you're their best friend, and you act accordingly, but deep within, you feel like the world has turned against you.

They told you that they only want what's best for you. That's their reason for leaving you behind. If they really wanted what was best for you, they would have stuck by your side, and not walked out for somebody else.

Every time you look at them, you can barely comprehend the words that they are speaking to you. You focus deeply into those eyes, which once held passion and emotion for _you_. You watch as they run their hand through their flawless hair, which you wish you could tangle your fingers into again. You observe as their sculpted jawline moves with each word uttered, recalling the kisses you have placed along it. You gaze at their lips, that mouth that yours knew every contour of, watching as they explain the latest story of how great their new pride and joy is.

Sure, you asked about how their relationship is going. But it was only to be nice and cover up your true feelings. And you wouldn't have had the courage to do so if your best friend hadn't been right by your side.

You nod and smile as they explain, expressing your pseudo-happiness.

They're alluring. You want to reach out and kiss them. For real. With true meaning. But you _know _that you can't.

At last, they turn and walk away to talk to another friend who has posed a new question about a different, irrelevant topic. You are now left alone with your best friend who shoots you a knowing look, squeezes your arm, and pulls you away to save you from more angsty feelings bubbling up and overflowing.

You feel a bit relieved thanks to your best friend's kind and comforting words of wisdom that they express to you. But then the whole ordeal repeats itself time and time again.

Day in, day out, nothing changes. You continue to feel empty, lacking that thing that you want more than anything.

In the way that "pain" is a simple four letter word that has a deep and hidden meaning, the same can be said to describe "love".

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><p>I know I should give up on Avan. But the love that I have for him is too much. And I will never forget when I was his. His Liz.<p> 


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello all! Here's the first chapter! I hope you enjoy it. It's basically just setting up the plot. The general P.O.V. I'll be using is Liz's. If there's a change in it, I'll mark it. Reviews would be greatly appreciated. :)**

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot.**

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><p>Where do I begin? Let's see here.<p>

I've only loved two people in my lifetime. Of course I've had a few relationships here and there, but none were too serious, besides those two. Out of the two relationships I've had with my _13 _castmate, Eric, and the one with Avan, I've only been actually _in _love once.

You can probably guess who that one person was. And if you can't, I'll give you a clue. It certainly wasn't Eric.

I mean, he was great. But we were young. I was just getting into the whole idea of having a boyfriend. After I auditioned for Victorious and landed the role, we decided that long distance wasn't worth it and wouldn't last, and truthfully, this really didn't break me. Again, I'll reiterate, I wasn't _in _love with him.

Avan on the other hand…I never thought we'd be as serious as we were. You have to understand, Avan is the biggest flirt you could ever meet. It becomes quite ridiculous. But there was something that dragged me in.

I was convinced that I'd be able to resist him. And I managed for a little while.

See, resistance immediately implies that you're fighting something off. So the feelings were always there to begin with. It could only have been a matter of time.

The first day we met, he immediately turned on the charm. And my God, I had to force back feelings at that moment.

We really connected after Dan made us run our stage kiss numerous times in the pilot episode. And that's when I knew I was in trouble.

That kiss…felt so real. It left me breathless. And when he pulled away, a boyish grin was plastered on him, which radiated throughout his entire face, making his eyes glint with a shimmer of satisfaction and delight. He was proud of himself. He knew he had me where he wanted me.

It was as if he threw a lasso around me, dragging me in. And just like that, he had my heart.

We had decided to take things slowly. If you take your time, it's supposed to last longer. He told me that. So we ended up doing just so. When we did anything intimate, Avan made sure it was completely perfect and special.

Avan's such a romantic. It's so easy to slip deeper and deeper in love with him. And I was able to do so with no trouble at all.

He told me he was in love with me. He said he saw a future with me. I was his everything.

And yet, he sneaked around with me. He didn't want the press to find out about us. We even shied away from the cast and Dan for awhile.

He said that if people knew, it would potentially ruin what we had. But he ruined what we had _himself_. He said that it was awkward being with me. This was the biggest, most blatant fallacy I've ever heard. Especially since we were joined at the hip for a year and a half.

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><p>Only after two weeks of letting me go, he moved on. He asked <em>her<em> out. Clearly, _she_ was around while we were together and I now know that he just wanted to get to _her_.

Now with _her_…oh, he has no problem showing _her_ off. He won't squash any rumors about _her_. He's perfectly fine with flaunting _her_ on set. Hell, she comes _all the time_.

Honestly, I don't blame him for leaving me for _her_. _Her_…Zoey…she's perfect. She's absolutely everything I'm not. She's so flawless and poised. Me on the other hand, I'm imperfect. I'm a bit insecure at times.

I usually create a confident façade, but that's not something Avan saw. He saw the real me. The stressed, anxious me.

I'm so wishy-washy with my emotions. Sometimes Avan would call me emotionally unstable. Of course, it was intended to be a joke. But now, I _really _question the jocularity behind it. Quite obviously, the _real_ me just wasn't good enough.

I try to keep low whenever she's around. Be friends with the both of them. Get on her good side. But it hurts too much to linger too long. I can only contain myself so much. So usually I excuse myself and flee to the comfort and solitude of my dressing room.

Being this way has become a chronic affair whenever I'm on set. Sometimes Matt or Ari will join me. But mostly, I'm alone. I don't really mind the aloof feeling. It lets me escape the torment of watching Avan and Zoey act "adorable" together.

Nothing is the same between us anymore. He hangs out with Zoey, Leon, and Vic nearly all the time. I'd opt out of being around them…but I still can't help but wish that he'd take the time out to ask me to do something to bond as a group.

I shouldn't say that "nothing" is the same. Some things haven't changed. Whenever we morph into character as Beck and Jade, I feel like our relationship is slightly rekindled. We haven't had many Beck and Jade kisses lately (upon Avan's request for Zoey's sake), but whenever he snakes his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into his side, I relax slightly into him and feel an inner peace take over me.

As soon as Dan shouts, "CUT!" however, Avan immediately removes his arm. He used to grin cheekily and allow his arm to remain around my shoulders.

For that split moment that we were entwined…I feel tingles course throughout my body. Although he feels absolutely nothing, I still feel that desire that I'm suffocating in. Then I realize that it was just an act. The tingles stop, as if operated by a switch. I'm left feeling pain where the prior tingles shot through.

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><p>Seeing as Avan's broken every promise he ever made to me, it's kind of irrational for me to keep holding on to <em>my<em> promises. I don't care about the irrationality of it though. I swore I'd always love Avan, and because he has the lasting effect of dragging me in, I don't think I can ever stop completely, no matter what new guy may come along.


End file.
